Cottage Renovation Progress Pics! - *waves you over* - Come in and have a look.🕵️‍♀️🏡

And please feel free to tell me how you'd have done it differently - f*ckery and unf*ckery are equally welcome on this one 🤣

Good evening friends!

I hope you’re doing swell. There are lots of progress photos in this missive, but they’re mostly at the bottom so don’t miss them by peacing-out early (or conversely, head down there first, then yeeeet! 🤣)

A couple of quick things before we begin.

1. I want to offer a (free) Zoom session which I’m currently calling the ‘No-Doom Zoom’. In the spirit of Unf*ckery the plan is thus: Lay thine hands on a bag of doom (any bag/box of junk, things, or mail you need to sort out), bring it to the Zoom, we’ll all unf*ck our stuff together for an hour, with me doing it too and being chief cheerleader and general happy f*ckwit. If this appeals then hit ‘reply’ to this email, or tell me in the comments. More on that soon. (I’d call it co-unf*ckery if that wasn’t such a shit name.)

2. It’s International Women’s Day. In order to get my last Wild Words March retreat place filled by a final fabulous woman, here’s a 20% off code to use for it: IWD20. If you’ve been tempted to come, don’t delay - once she’s gone she’s gone!

Alright! To the main event…

I knew when I bought this cottage that there’d be moments I’d wonder what the hell I was thinking. That I’d be out of my depth. But I also knew that I needed to start being deliberate about doing things that I knew would bring me joy, even if it wouldn’t always be clear how they’d bring me joy, or what would come in the ‘inbetween’ times of exhaustion, frustration and feeling totally f*cking stumped.

I think it’ll be worth the struggle. This new home is emblematic of my hope for a whole new way of being for myself, and it’s a huge neon sign (to me) that I’m moving in the direction of my deep desires. Martha Beck would describe this as my ‘essential self’ as opposed to my ‘social self’. The first is the deep knowing and understanding of who I am, what I love, and what I need. The second is the inculcation (from the Latin ‘to stamp in’) of society at large and the societal expectations we all swim up through before we bloom on the surface of our ponds as richly-hued lilies. But long before that blooming comes the muddy water, or outside of the metaphor: the tearing down, ripping off and pulling apart of the insides of a house before it gets put back together as a home.

Hmmm. I wonder if I’ll keep feeling like I’m laying the tracks as I go? It’s tiring!

I know that I struggle with the concept of time (hence being very often late despite doing all I can to not be late - honestly) but I realise as I joyously wade into this house project that I also/actually struggle with the concept of ‘time limitations’. Or perhaps it’s more of a difficulty with the concept of ‘what’s achievable’? I tend to think that absolutely anything is possible if I can just figure out the right way to bend and squash everything into shape in the right way. This has worked many times, for example when applied to the following;

• How much I can carry at once

• How much I can fit in a car to take to the tip

• How many social events I can say yes to and attend in one weekend so I don’t let anyone down or get FOMO

• How many actual real jobs I can do at once

• How much I can read before a real or self-imposed deadline

• What tonnage or shape of furniture I can move by myself

I could go on…. (and I imagine you might have a few you could at to this list? 🤣)

Most of the time I can pretty much contort myself, and all the unfortunate items or people or responsibilities I might be grappling with, in to just the right size, time, shape or place and get ‘er done. But with the blessing of living longer, I look back and realise that all these instances had invisible costs that I didn’t clock at the time. Knackeredness, irritability, a shit few days of chronic pain flaring up ‘for no reason’, falling behind on things, letting people down by cancelling stuff a few days later because I was suddenly feeling overwhelmed, etc. You know the drill.

So these days I try to be a little more measured, and not take on what my Dad would have called a ‘lazy man’s load’. However, I genuinely don’t have any ability to really understand what too much or over-committed looks like, so I guess. My formula for self improvement in this regard is to take what I think I can easily do, squint a bit at it, then trim it by perhaps a fifth. Or a sixth. Then feel like I’m probably being lazy OR get annoyed that it’s all going to take longer, so add a bit more back in, then realise I’m a dick, and take some away again. This usually works and I end up marginally less f*cked. Hooray.

But could I do this with a house?

Well, it’s hard. Lots needs doing and I’m desperate to live there, but I can’t yet and it’s all contingent on fitting people, parts, schedules and plans together in a magical way that I can’t envisage, and need to remember to call and chase people for. This makes me feel totally bonkers and want to spend every waking moment there doing it all myself and learning electrics, plastering, plumbing, masonry, roofing and architecture all at once. OBVIOUSLY this is ridiculous, a little tongue in cheek and just speaks to my champing-at-the-bit, but I genuinely find it hard when I can’t get my head around a whole project or timeline, and can’t understand why there isn’t a way to make the cohesive plan more...cohesive? This is all especially hard when I am also coaching clients, planning retreats, learning AI (and have been for a while in order to be less angry and fearful about it), teaching, writing, doing my RHS qualification, still rootling around in storage every time I need anything, being sociable when I can, and multiple other usual things we all have to do. Phewsers!

Thankfully, for the house reno project I have two particular humans in my orbit who have seen more than a few of these, and help me get some perspective on it: my ace builder and my fabulous architect.

Both these fellas are genuinely lovely people, and I’ve known them from before I booked them for their skills and services (for which I feel very lucky). More on them another time, but suffice to say that both have kindly counselled me to *enjoy the process*, rather than rush through it.

“Gail”, said James (the architect), smiling at me with kind amusement. “Try to enjoy it. The choosing, the thinking about it, the figuring it out and bringing it to life. Take your time if you can, but mostly enjoy it all. Soon enough it will be done, and then that’s that - it’s done. You’ll look for the next thing to do, and this will have been rushed through to get to that, whatever it is. So savour this process of creating a home you love, that works for you, and is created in way you want it to be. This is your project.”

And this, as well as the inherent kindness and decency in the way he works with me and my brain, made me burst into tears in front of him as we walked out of his office. Thankfully he didn’t mind and gave me a hug. Because he knows it can feel like an exciting but overwhelming thing to take on in my already permanently-overwhelmed brain.

I thrive on overwhelm most of the time, but I can tip over like a wheelbarrow: balanced and bumping along full pelt, all gleeful, bouncy and stacked right to the brim until I’m suddenly toppled - one wheel spinning in the air, contents violently ejected on to the floor and over anyone else who might be around at the time. James’ kind, gentle and non-admonishing reminder to slow down, take my time, be deliberate and enjoy the process was a fast sluice of clarity about the whole purpose of this new home and what my big aim actually is - to enjoy bringing myself back to life. To learn new tools to help me do that effectively, to become more patient with change, to take the time to be discerning, and perhaps to leave the really complicated jobs around building blocks and electrical wiring to the professionals.

You know there’s a book in all of this, don’t you folks. 😉

(P.s. Why are electricians the hardest of all to get hold of?)

And as promised, here are some photo updates for you!

Bedroom 1

Bedroom 1 in progress - ceilings removed by asbestos professionals

Bedroom 2

Bedroom 2 in progress. First photo from a visit pre-purchase. No asbestos in this room but a damp sagging ceiling from the leaking chimney! Chunks fell on my head, so I'll take the whole ceiling down this week.

Me mid-wallpaper scraping, and yanking up carpet in the hallway to find some wooden boards - hooray! (And I've since bought safety glasses to avoid the eye/paint issue)

And finally for tonight - The Fireplace

Horrendous 1960's (?) stone fireplace and surround with big TV shelf. Painted with yellow/brown varnish. No bueno.

It’s hard to show you from these pictures how big, grim, dark and unpleasant the fireplace is (or was). I know it was probs fashion at some point, but I can’t see that this would ever have sparked anything, let alone joy. It had a plug-in electric fire in the front and some polystyrene chunks + newspapers shoved up the flue. I told my lovely builder how much I really wanted to smash it up. Imagine my surprise and joy when he sent these photos on Friday with the phrase ‘Between jobs!’:

Byeeeee Felicia 👋

I spent yesterday taking out the old firebricks, digging out the fireplace junk, smashing all the huge surround bits up with a big lump hammer, bagging the smaller bastards, and carrying about 30-40 loads of it all out to the garage that mum had very kindly just cleared and swept. Hooray! (Thanks mum and P!). I also wanged up the carpet just before it got dark because WHY THE FUCK NOT?

Ahh - much better (but don't get me started on the stairs. They are the greatest problem of all! Straight in the door from the porch and BANG there they are, but I'm working on it. Yay to the fireplace!

Not bad for 2 weeks in, right? And I’m feeling quite chuffed as I put that all side by side! There’s a bunch more that’s happened too, but I’m sure this is enough for you to tolerate for the moment - thank you! 🤣 If any of you have thoughts, tips or insights on any of the above, hit me with them in the comments - I always love hearing a different pov!

And don’t forget to please also tell me if you fancy a ‘No-Doom Zoom’. I’ll float that again mid-week to scoop up anyone else who is keen and who forgets to let me know.

Hope you’ve had a tip top weekend friends!

Much love, Gail xx