This is powerful Gail. My 90-year-old mother-in-law has just moved into our annex and I’m thinking now she must have had a similar relationship to clothes, and lots of other belongings. My lounge (and a separate storage container) is full of her stuff and I know intimately how her things have consumed her for decades. I’ve known her for twenty years now and all that time she has said she will get round to doing the things she wants to do, when her stuff is ‘sorted’. But it never has been and now she’s really old and can’t do any of those things she wanted to do anyway, stuff or no stuff. It makes me very sad and I feel compelled to warn people when I see similar traits. I regularly go through all my things to streamline them, I’m not immune to having stuff, but knowing her has been an important lesson. If you possibly can, nail this one. Your future self will thank you for it. Xxx
GOSH Lynne this really hit me. I have been thinking about your point and story for the last few days, and told my mum and sister about it too. It's been really useful and I'm still digesting it. Thank you very much, most genuinely xx
I’m certain that sense of unfulfilment is much more widespread than we admit to ourselves. In particular the accumulation which quickly becomes a drag on hopes and dreams.
In our lighter moments we might describe it as a pot-pourri but less generously it’s really a jumble sale.
I recall jobs that I simply walked out on because I was no longer likely to learn anything from it. The ballooning sense of space and unburdening remains a lifelong pleasure. X
I have WAY too many clothes. There I’ve said it. It has become an embarrassment. They are all for the most part in my bedroom and it’s a mess. They are not bringing me the joy I envisioned when I was purchasing them. I have started sorting and will continue to do so! Each day a bit more. If I see something I don’t want to wear that day, I ask myself what other day would I want to wear it? Brutally honest when faced w your own poor decisions hurts a bit. So am bagging those bad choices up and donating.
Then the real unfu**ing begins... addressing why I compulsively buy too many in the first place!
I know I have enough to create a capsule wardrobe that can mix & match and be ENOUGH while still having a few FOR FUN pieces.
Word two: Disorganized.
Antidote: I have Enough.
Deeper Dive: I AM ENOUGH!
A new outfit is not going to help me feel better, it’s been a temporary high that becomes a headache.
YOU ARE ENOUGH!!! THat's for sure. Well done for digging down below the clothing to the reasons for the buying. And deeper and deeper we go in our unf*ckery! xx
Gosh, this one has really hit home with me. I unashamedly LOVE fashion but with an eye on the environment have always shopped second hand or vintage. (I say unashamedly but then go on to caveat that to say I’m very much into the history of fashion, social history, artisan skills of couture etc, rather than doing hauls on day fashion stores)
But over consumption is still over consumption whether it’s secondhand or not. Inspired by a well known outdoor company I decided earlier this year to make my mantra- have less do more. And jeez, it’s been a game changer/life changer.
Uncluttering my wardrobe has helped my mind unclutter - strong caveat here too that it is, sometimes, still a bin fire of a brain - weirdly having less has also made me want less? I can see what I have, I like what I have and that’s enough.
I know that Some people see clothes and fashion as frivolous but for me it’s definitely a creative expression & so it’s as good a place to start as any. Thank you for helping me think through why this has been quite a big step in unf@ck1ng my own life!
I'm absolutely loving being here - there's something in every one of your posts that makes me stop and think for a bit. So much so that I'm thinking of starting my own unf*cking in the next couple of weeks - something bubbling away about some changes i want to make to get some clarity....
On the subject of a burny brain - in general, my close friends and family are generally much more accepting of the bin-fire patches that I have, but I really struggle to accept it. I loved your analogy of the wearing of the coat and that I'm still me underneath. Do you feel that you've got the hang of being able to accept that sometimes the emotional coat is pretty heavy? I'd like to get to the Simon & Garfunkel stage of 'hello darkness my old friend' but at the moment it seems pretty far away.
Anyway....In the meantime, I will make you a little video tour of my wardrobe and send it to you on insta! I used to have terrible decision paralysis every morning trying to get ready for work - too much stuff - but decluttering has definitely helped.
Such a simple but really important line of thought. Unravel that crocheted poncho and make a jersey, and OXYGEN ! - wonderful stuff for helping clear thinking 😊
I too have a beautiful eclectic wardrobe - finally in one place (I’m fairly sure, except kidnapped books), 90% of clothes which I can’t or wouldn’t get into. But living out of a rucksack when working in adventure tourism with mountain and desert clothes for 6mths meant a timeline of jetsam in other ppls spaces. And a disconcerting disassociation/ thinly spread feeling.
Get a shedload of stuff on Vinted, mebbe some cash back, and refugee charities for folk arriving with what they’re wearing. 🥰
I thought you said 'crocheted potato' at first glance, and was most impressed. The breath thing is super interesting, and thanks for your insight although I'm sorry that it's insight from a place of some pain/struggle. You're an ox beyond your oximeter my friend. And I'll BET your wardrobe has some amazing pieces in it. I'm going to get some stuff on vinted and research some sustainable ways to donate/gift too. Thanks for 'getting it' friend xx
Wow! I fully relate to this; if my clothes don’t make me feel good then I don’t feel good! I’m having a sort out this weekend & maybe a shopping trip to buy a couple of beautiful pieces that fit & make me feel amazing!
Vinted is your friend. Also charity shops. The problem you’ll face is the decision on what can go. I bought the Maria Kondo book to help sort my shit out but haven’t read it yet! It’s hoarded with the rest of my books that need sorting! Good luck with it - get someone to help ( someone ruthless lol) x
It's good this. I thought I was here to support and cheer you on in your journey of unf*ckery, but increasingly I'm being encouraged to maybe consider whether I could also usefully unf*ck a number of similar things in my life - I just haven't had your insight or clarity to realise it before. Books is a good one - I have waaaay too many, wobbly stacks of them here and there having run out of shelf space a while ago but not being able to resist buying more (come on, they are pretty amazing and full of wondrous worlds), and not able to let many go (just in case (. . . of what I'm not sure though)). Clothes also - which is especially odd since I pretty much always wear exactly the same thing, no matter the season or the weather or the occasion. But I have drawers and a cupboard full of stuff that is mostly nostalgic (I remember when I was . . . . . ) and never going to be worn again. Not by me or anyone else for that matter - and so I can't quite bring myself to consign the memories to a bin. Woah. I can tell this is going to be quite the journey. Thank you.
Ahh James, this is special. I read this yesterday sitting in my van outside Sainsburys, feeling really rained on and too-busy. This comment stopped me and really made me happy, thank you for sharing your thoughts, for opening up to the ideas that I'm thinking through and for being willing even in the first place to turn up just to cheer me on! You're absolutely ace. Oh, and let me know what you decide about your books, as that's high on my hit list too. SO MANY!! Bloody good job they're naive to predation. 😆 xxx
well, what my little brother has taken to doing with books he loves but has read, is to select one, write a little note, wrap it up in brown paper with some string around it, and a beautifully-written address, and then send it to someone he thinks might also love it. That way it has been shared as an unexpected surprise gift, and has become a source of joy to him and someone else rather than a weight. What the recipient then does with it is up to them, but I have to say that I have loved everything he has sent (especially when accompanied by a note explaining why he loves it (sometimes written when very, very, drunk)) and have read things I might not otherwise have found. Of course, his strategy does mean that my own problem is now growing, and sadly I have neither the poetry nor the penmanship to emulate his approach - but perhaps you could? Whatever you decide though, don't involve the ants - they're vicious little buggers. J xxx
Another fabulously well articulated publication! It was great to hang out and breathe a bit this morning! Thank you for showing up! Now you’ve shared my fucking Substack I might actually have to write something!!!😂 I have to be fair started hitting a few things down that might make a weekly publication ... we’ll
Genuinely look forward to these honest and connected posts. Thank you. Big love. x
This is powerful Gail. My 90-year-old mother-in-law has just moved into our annex and I’m thinking now she must have had a similar relationship to clothes, and lots of other belongings. My lounge (and a separate storage container) is full of her stuff and I know intimately how her things have consumed her for decades. I’ve known her for twenty years now and all that time she has said she will get round to doing the things she wants to do, when her stuff is ‘sorted’. But it never has been and now she’s really old and can’t do any of those things she wanted to do anyway, stuff or no stuff. It makes me very sad and I feel compelled to warn people when I see similar traits. I regularly go through all my things to streamline them, I’m not immune to having stuff, but knowing her has been an important lesson. If you possibly can, nail this one. Your future self will thank you for it. Xxx
GOSH Lynne this really hit me. I have been thinking about your point and story for the last few days, and told my mum and sister about it too. It's been really useful and I'm still digesting it. Thank you very much, most genuinely xx
Thank you for sharing that, it’s a good point of view to consider...is our stuff helping or hindering our life choices!
I’m certain that sense of unfulfilment is much more widespread than we admit to ourselves. In particular the accumulation which quickly becomes a drag on hopes and dreams.
In our lighter moments we might describe it as a pot-pourri but less generously it’s really a jumble sale.
I recall jobs that I simply walked out on because I was no longer likely to learn anything from it. The ballooning sense of space and unburdening remains a lifelong pleasure. X
I have WAY too many clothes. There I’ve said it. It has become an embarrassment. They are all for the most part in my bedroom and it’s a mess. They are not bringing me the joy I envisioned when I was purchasing them. I have started sorting and will continue to do so! Each day a bit more. If I see something I don’t want to wear that day, I ask myself what other day would I want to wear it? Brutally honest when faced w your own poor decisions hurts a bit. So am bagging those bad choices up and donating.
Then the real unfu**ing begins... addressing why I compulsively buy too many in the first place!
I know I have enough to create a capsule wardrobe that can mix & match and be ENOUGH while still having a few FOR FUN pieces.
Word two: Disorganized.
Antidote: I have Enough.
Deeper Dive: I AM ENOUGH!
A new outfit is not going to help me feel better, it’s been a temporary high that becomes a headache.
YOU ARE ENOUGH!!! THat's for sure. Well done for digging down below the clothing to the reasons for the buying. And deeper and deeper we go in our unf*ckery! xx
Gosh, this one has really hit home with me. I unashamedly LOVE fashion but with an eye on the environment have always shopped second hand or vintage. (I say unashamedly but then go on to caveat that to say I’m very much into the history of fashion, social history, artisan skills of couture etc, rather than doing hauls on day fashion stores)
But over consumption is still over consumption whether it’s secondhand or not. Inspired by a well known outdoor company I decided earlier this year to make my mantra- have less do more. And jeez, it’s been a game changer/life changer.
Uncluttering my wardrobe has helped my mind unclutter - strong caveat here too that it is, sometimes, still a bin fire of a brain - weirdly having less has also made me want less? I can see what I have, I like what I have and that’s enough.
I know that Some people see clothes and fashion as frivolous but for me it’s definitely a creative expression & so it’s as good a place to start as any. Thank you for helping me think through why this has been quite a big step in unf@ck1ng my own life!
Firstly Kate, a big hello 🤩 and thank you for reading! Erm also, I'd very much like to have a tour of your wardrobe because it sounds like it would be amazing, especially with your knowledge of fashion! I think that my brain is also a bin-fire, but this process of unf*ckery is really helping make it less...flaming. I'm glad that you found the wardrobe uncluttering to be a good place to start, as I'm hoping it will really galvanise some more clarity for me too and the peace of some attempt at 'minimalism' (or at least a glimpse of what might look like haha!). Thank you for being here and being part of this. I hope your day is going really well xx
I'm absolutely loving being here - there's something in every one of your posts that makes me stop and think for a bit. So much so that I'm thinking of starting my own unf*cking in the next couple of weeks - something bubbling away about some changes i want to make to get some clarity....
On the subject of a burny brain - in general, my close friends and family are generally much more accepting of the bin-fire patches that I have, but I really struggle to accept it. I loved your analogy of the wearing of the coat and that I'm still me underneath. Do you feel that you've got the hang of being able to accept that sometimes the emotional coat is pretty heavy? I'd like to get to the Simon & Garfunkel stage of 'hello darkness my old friend' but at the moment it seems pretty far away.
Anyway....In the meantime, I will make you a little video tour of my wardrobe and send it to you on insta! I used to have terrible decision paralysis every morning trying to get ready for work - too much stuff - but decluttering has definitely helped.
Wowser !
Such a simple but really important line of thought. Unravel that crocheted poncho and make a jersey, and OXYGEN ! - wonderful stuff for helping clear thinking 😊
As for ‘stuff’ see below.
Out of interest, have you had a shot of a pulse oximeter that records heart rate and %O2 saturation ? There may be a correlation between the shallow breathing and fuzziness (?) I’ve noticed I’m much less sharp on some days (COPD induced), so quién sabé - not me for one.
I too have a beautiful eclectic wardrobe - finally in one place (I’m fairly sure, except kidnapped books), 90% of clothes which I can’t or wouldn’t get into. But living out of a rucksack when working in adventure tourism with mountain and desert clothes for 6mths meant a timeline of jetsam in other ppls spaces. And a disconcerting disassociation/ thinly spread feeling.
Get a shedload of stuff on Vinted, mebbe some cash back, and refugee charities for folk arriving with what they’re wearing. 🥰
Buen viaje !
I thought you said 'crocheted potato' at first glance, and was most impressed. The breath thing is super interesting, and thanks for your insight although I'm sorry that it's insight from a place of some pain/struggle. You're an ox beyond your oximeter my friend. And I'll BET your wardrobe has some amazing pieces in it. I'm going to get some stuff on vinted and research some sustainable ways to donate/gift too. Thanks for 'getting it' friend xx
Wow! I fully relate to this; if my clothes don’t make me feel good then I don’t feel good! I’m having a sort out this weekend & maybe a shopping trip to buy a couple of beautiful pieces that fit & make me feel amazing!
That's a great idea. Let us know what you get. It's a great idea to make sure you make room first for the pieces you're bringing home xx
Vinted is your friend. Also charity shops. The problem you’ll face is the decision on what can go. I bought the Maria Kondo book to help sort my shit out but haven’t read it yet! It’s hoarded with the rest of my books that need sorting! Good luck with it - get someone to help ( someone ruthless lol) x
OH LORD the BOOKS ARE NEXT! Hmm, do I need to buy the Kondo book? It sounds like it!(second hand of course) xx
It's good this. I thought I was here to support and cheer you on in your journey of unf*ckery, but increasingly I'm being encouraged to maybe consider whether I could also usefully unf*ck a number of similar things in my life - I just haven't had your insight or clarity to realise it before. Books is a good one - I have waaaay too many, wobbly stacks of them here and there having run out of shelf space a while ago but not being able to resist buying more (come on, they are pretty amazing and full of wondrous worlds), and not able to let many go (just in case (. . . of what I'm not sure though)). Clothes also - which is especially odd since I pretty much always wear exactly the same thing, no matter the season or the weather or the occasion. But I have drawers and a cupboard full of stuff that is mostly nostalgic (I remember when I was . . . . . ) and never going to be worn again. Not by me or anyone else for that matter - and so I can't quite bring myself to consign the memories to a bin. Woah. I can tell this is going to be quite the journey. Thank you.
Ahh James, this is special. I read this yesterday sitting in my van outside Sainsburys, feeling really rained on and too-busy. This comment stopped me and really made me happy, thank you for sharing your thoughts, for opening up to the ideas that I'm thinking through and for being willing even in the first place to turn up just to cheer me on! You're absolutely ace. Oh, and let me know what you decide about your books, as that's high on my hit list too. SO MANY!! Bloody good job they're naive to predation. 😆 xxx
well, what my little brother has taken to doing with books he loves but has read, is to select one, write a little note, wrap it up in brown paper with some string around it, and a beautifully-written address, and then send it to someone he thinks might also love it. That way it has been shared as an unexpected surprise gift, and has become a source of joy to him and someone else rather than a weight. What the recipient then does with it is up to them, but I have to say that I have loved everything he has sent (especially when accompanied by a note explaining why he loves it (sometimes written when very, very, drunk)) and have read things I might not otherwise have found. Of course, his strategy does mean that my own problem is now growing, and sadly I have neither the poetry nor the penmanship to emulate his approach - but perhaps you could? Whatever you decide though, don't involve the ants - they're vicious little buggers. J xxx
Another fabulously well articulated publication! It was great to hang out and breathe a bit this morning! Thank you for showing up! Now you’ve shared my fucking Substack I might actually have to write something!!!😂 I have to be fair started hitting a few things down that might make a weekly publication ... we’ll
Genuinely look forward to these honest and connected posts. Thank you. Big love. x
Noting* not hitting...
Note to self proof read before pressing publish!
Big love right back... and we'll be ready and keen for that newsletter whenever it comes!